Professional Widow

Anybody who are devoted enough to music would know that this is the title of the song by Tori Amos. But who is Tori Amos? I only know Armand Van Helden.



By the way, 2 nights ago, I told myself (no promises yet) maybe I could quite smoking after my last cigarettes pack. Today, when I was down to my last stick. I went and buy another pack. So I'm gonna tell myself again today, that "..this would be my last last pack."

I've been through this many many times, to no avail. The longest I ever went without a smoke was only 2 weeks. Why it is just too hard?

Foremost, here's the top ten ingredients list in a cigarette (I'm not sure how true is this. I thought majority of tobacco content mostly comes from tobacco leaves, and to me that's fucking natural).

Ammonia -- used to increase the absorption rate of nicotine. It's also used to clean your toilet, helps to treat wastewater (poop and pee) and is a key ingredient in liquid fertilizer.

Arsenic -- used as a pesticide on tobacco plants, it remains in the resulting cigarette. If you have a rat problem in your home, you can use arsenic to kill them.

Cadmium -- a metallic compound that tobacco collects from acidic soil. Is the battery in your cell phone low? Use cadmium to recharge it!

Formaldehyde -- a byproduct of cigarette smoke, this colorless gas is commonly used to preserve dead bodies for burial.

Acetone -- another byproduct from burning a cigarette. It's also found in nail polish remover and, like ammonia, is used to clean toilets.

Butane -- this byproduct is also used to help you light your cigarette, in the form of lighter fluid.

Propylene Glycol -- added to cigarettes to keep tobacco from drying out. What it really does is speed up the delivery of nicotine to the brain.

Turpentine -- used to flavor menthol cigarettes. This oil also can be used to thin paint and strip varnish from wood.

Benzene -- another byproduct from burning a cigarette. You can find benzene in pesticides and gasoline.

Lead and Nickel -- Yes, these are metals. Need we say more?

Secondly, back to the question, the thing that made it too hard, apart from Nicotine (which is a very powerful addictive substance) is that "the act of smoking also become an emotional experience. You know that if you are feeling put out, angry or frustrated a cigarette will help you calm down. You come to rely on the cigarette helping you rather than working through these feelings yourself. Once you stop smoking you discover you have to find other ways to deal with life’s little irritations and this can be very hard for many smokers." Now, this part seems like you are having a girlfriend. You know how hard it is to back away from them?...

Anyway, mind the reasons, and I'm going to go through my last pack, as slowly as possible.

(Source:http://health.howstuffworks.com)